I hate to interrupt the thing,
that Z was saying about him and JC...
Gentlemen, as the only B-list internet celebrity scribe on this blog, and, more importantly, as the only strong male authority figure in both of your lives, it's time I assume my rightful position as imparter of wisdom. Here are some thoughts, some in response to earlier posts, some Nitti originals... Enjoy.
(By the way, I see that you have both ignored the "patent pending" status of my numerical-format sports column. I would say that you will be hearing from my attorney, but it happens to be Z, so I guess I'm screwed.)
12. There is no good reason -- not even merely for the contrarian joy in it-- to "like" TO. This is a guy who should, by all rights, be stuck in San Fran. catching passes from Tim Rattay and plotting the death of his agent, Mike Danton style. Instead, he cried, threatened legal action, held two organizations hostage, and managed to fit in an ill-conceived Rosa Parks comparison before orchestrating his arrival in Philadelphia, the only team he wanted to play for. It's criminal. The only joy I take from the whole ugly situation is the knowledge that while this Eagles team may be 8-1, they are doomed to once again collapse in January. People like to say that you have to do two things to win it all: Run the ball and stop the run. In this day and age, with the proliferation of the West-Coast offense's short passing game, I believe only the latter is true. New England in '03 and '01. Tampa Bay in '02. Baltimore in '00. Other than the Jamal Lewis led Ravens, none of the three had a dominant running game, but they were each the best in the league at stopping the run and forcing third and long. Which brings me to Philly: this team can't stop ANYONE on the ground. Hell, they let a 300 pound Jerome Bettis run for 150 yards, and a decrepit Eddie George run for his longest touchdown since he was getting fat off booster money at Ohio State. William Green and Lee Suggs ran up and down the field on them in a narrow victory over the Browns. You can't get away with that in December and January, and this team won't.
11. Has anyone ever noticed how much Jay Bilas looks like Gob from Arrested Development?
10. Nobody ever said this blog was sports only, and I know you guys are worldly fellows, so here goes: Those Palestinian dudes...they may not have a state to call their own, but there's certainly no shortage of automatic weapons, is there? Do they sell 'em in 7-11's over there? I always thought the Isrealis ran a tight ship in the West Bank, but apparently it's OK for every male over the age of 9 to pack an arsenal that would make Steve McNair jealous. I swear every person I saw in that Arafat video on CNN was firing a machine gun into the air, which begs another question: Where the hell do all those bullets go? They have to go somewhere, right? Anyone?
9. There are two problems inherent in Cuyler's "Friday Night Lights" diatribe. First of all, as Z pointed out, it's EASY to name a multitude of sports movies that rank well ahead. Hoosiers...Bull Durham...Rocky I and IV...Caddyshack...Major League..Mean Machine...Hoop Dreams...Raging Bull...The Natural...Victory, and so on. Second, and far more infuriating, is Cuyler's insistence that "Great White Hype" was not a top notch film. It had Jeff Goldblum! AND Jon Luvitz! Throw in Cheech Marin, Samuel Jackson, Jamie Foxx, and that Wayans brother that has finally achieved mainstream acceptance, and you've got yourself two hours of great watching.
8. As Dallas Cowboys fans, I'm sure you two can appreciate this... Lost amongst all the Alge Crumpler, Antonio Gates love has been the emergence of Jason Witten as one of the league's top tightends. You know the dude must be good, because this team has no other offensive threats, yet he always gets open. I'll tell you this much..at this very moment he is already better than Jeremy Shockey.
7. Look, it's great that Peyton Manning is on pace to shatter Dan Marino's TD record, but come on... On Sunday, I watched him throw a TD on 1st and Goal from the 1 while up 21-0, then tack on another when it was 35-7. Similar theme all year. It's like he's drunk with Fantasy Football power.
6. Now that Willie Randolph has a job managing the Mets, who assumes the mantle of "token black interview candidate?" My money is on Terry Pendleton. He'll be helping teams meet the minority interview minimum requirements for the next decade or so.
5. Bottom Line: Larry Brown broke Melo's mind. Shattered him. It should be a great race to see who finishes with the lower shooter percentage, Melo or Kobe.
4. Here's one you may not have thought of. Sure Timmy Chang just broke Ty Detmer's career passing record of 15,031 yards, but within the Chang era at Hawaii came the greatest three-game statistical stretch by a QB I have ever witnessed, and it wasn't even authored by Timmy Chang. When he was injured at the end of the 2001 season, Nick Rolovich took over starting duties. Here are his stats for the final three games of the regular season:
#3: Hawaii 52 - Miami OH 51 30-53, 500 yards, 7 TDs. (side note: Ashley Lelie caught 6 balls for 211 yards and 3 TD's, and some guy named Roethlisberger went 40-53 for 452 yrds and 4 TDs.)
#2: Hawaii 52 - Air Force 30 30-46, 505 yards, 5 TDs. (side note: Lelie caught 9 more for 285 and 3 TDs...meanwhile, Air Force rushed for 547 yards)
#1: Hawaii 72 - BYU 45 29-52, 543 yards, 8 TDs. (side note: Lelie - 8 for 262, 2 TDs. This was the game that ended BYU's undefeated season and "claim" to a BCS berth.)
So by my count, while the most prolific passer in Division I history sat on the pine, his back-up threw for 1548 and 20 TDs in 3 games. That's 10% of the record! Absolutely ridiculous, and nobody remembers it because the games happened at 3 AM EST. I believe Rolovich even had a cup of coffee in the NFL with the Broncos, which strangely enough, is the same fate Lelie may experience if he doesn't start producing soon.
3. Man it's nice to have college basketball back. Arizona should be disappointing me in no time. That being said, it sure beats the NBA alternative. It's like Bobby Knight said, "If the NBA were on Channel 3, and two frogs making love were on Channel 4, I'd watch the frogs, even if they were coming in fuzzy."
2. I noticed you guys haven't begun the "This is the year for the Mavericks" campaign yet, which tells me one thing: you must really believe they have a chance, and you've got that unwritten no-hitter rule going where you don't want to talk about it and jinx it. It's interesting to see that they are in fact playing D, and Dirk seems to have made the leap. But then again, we're only 10 games in, and if you use that as your sample size, then Jesus Shuttlesworth and Seattle will be your next NBA champs.
1. Will the Red Sox winning the World Series be the kiss of death for the Sports Guy? Is anyone going to want to read 8,000 words about Johny Damon's impact on Simmon's 70-year old mother when the Sox are just another team? The guy loves the Sox and Patriots. Tough life.
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